Aaron Belz (Missouri, USA): "Andy's Mom's Velveeta..."



One day
Andy's mom's Velveeta log-shaped Tupperware container
spoke to Andy's mom in hushed silence.
"Andy's mom. What is up with you?
You are hot."

Andy's mom checked to make sure the telephone
was firmly in its cradle. It was not,
but the only sound it was making was
a small, vague screaming sound.
Andy's mom found the screaming sound
oddly comforting in light of what
had just recently transpired with
the Velveeta log-shaped Tupperware container.

Andy's mom called the police
in to investigate.


One day
Andy's mom made the mistake
of calling the police in to stop
a Velveeta log-shaped Tupperware container
from talking to her.

The Velveeta log-shaped Tupperware container
had been flirting with her,
which is perhaps what bothered her most.

"Andy's mom, now that we have cuffed
the Velveeta log-shaped Tupperware container
to the toaster oven,
we are heading back to the station.
There is nothing further
for us to do here. Move along, Andy's mom.
There is nothing for you to see here."

And the policemen strung a yellow tape
around Andy's mom's house to make her feel better
about the whole situation. The words on the tape said,
"Caution! Velveeta log-shaped Tupperware container!"
And after the word "container!" one of the policemen had written
in sharpie marker the word "flirtatious" in parentheses
followed by "Andy's mom is crazy," also in parentheses.
Then "too much Velveeta on the brain," also in parenthesis,
but this time followed by exclamation points interspersed
with question marks. He found this very funny
and sniggered to himself melodically
as he pointed it out to his partner policeman,
who also sniggered, though a bit less melodically.


One day
after sniggering policemen
abandoned Andy's mom at her house
with a cuffed intruder,
Andy's mom's Velveeta log-shaped Tupperware container
spoke to Andy's mom in hushed silence.

"Andy's mom. You see now that I am cuffed
now that you have called the polices on me
I am cuffed to a toaster oven in fact
and wish to be release this instant
Andy's mom release me this instant
or I shall summon other Tupperwares
yes and some not as gentle spirited
as I to speak to you in hushed silence
regarding their innermost thoughts
about you and also about numerous other subjects
related to your house and your pretty friends
your pretty pretty friends who visit your house
they shall all speak so release me this instant
for I am in bondage to a toaster oven."

© Aaron Belz 2007